Mew Mew Python - Dead Bird
by ThomasAngryBirds
Summary: Corina Bucksworth returns to Bridget Verdant's pet shop, saying the bird she purchased has died. How can Bridget find her way out of Corina's complaints, and will the rich girl be able to get a fresh bird?


**Sorry it's been a while; college has just started for me, so updates will be erratic as far as I;m concerned. Hopefully this will keep you busy for the time being, based on Monty Python's most famous sketch starring the Mew Mews!**

* * *

Bridget Verdant was in the Tokyo Pet Shop she ran, and was wiping around the counter area with a cloth. A few moments later, Corina Bucksworth walked in through the door, which caused its bell to ring when a costumer was entering or leaving. She was holding a birdcage, and in it was a round red bird with a white belly, yellow beak, and thick black eyebrows and tail. Oddly, it had no legs or wings, and it was lying on the bottom of the cage.

"Hello, I wish to make a complaint," said Corina as she walked up to the counter. Bridget had her back to her.

"Hello, madam?" Corina said impatiently, ringing the bell twice. This got the green haired girl's attention.

"Can I help you?" she asked politely, "We're closing for lunch-"

"Never mind that," interrupted Corina, "I wish to make a complaint about this bird that I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique."

"Oh, yes, ah, the red cardinal," said Bridget, "what's, uh… what's wrong with it?"

"Oh, I'll _tell_ you what's wrong with it; he's _dead!_ That's what's wrong!" snapped Corina.

Bridget was taken aback, but didn't react big. "No, no, he's resting look."

"Look missy," argued Corina, "I know a dead bird when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now!"

"No, he ain't dead; he's resting."

"_Resting?!_"

"Yeah, resting. Remarkable bird, the red cardinal; lovely plumage."

"Plumage doesn't enter into it; it's stone dead!"

"No, he's really resting."

Corina paused for a moment or two. "Very well," she said calmly, "if he really is resting, I'll wake him up!" She held up the cage close to her face. "HELLO, RED!" she shouted, "_I've got a lovely plate of sushi for you if you show any-!_"

Bridget whacked the cage with her cage, hoping Corina didn't notice. She had.

"See? He moved!"

"He did not!" argued Corina, "You hit the cage, didn't you?"

"I never!" cried Bridget indignantly.

"Yes you did!"

"I never, _ever_ did anything…"

Corina took the bird from its cage and shouted at it.

"HELLO RED!" she yelled, "WAKEY, WAKEY!" She whacked it against the counter. "RISE AND SHINE!" She whacked it again. "THIS IS YOUR NINE O'CLOCK ALARM CALL!" Again she hit the bird against the counter, shook it, threw it up in the air, and the bird fell to the ground.

"Now _that_ is what I call a dead bird," said Corina firmly.

"No, he's stunned," protested Bridget.

"Stunned?!"

"Yes, stunned! You stunned him the moment he was waking up."

"Erm, now look, madam, I had enough of your nonsense," said Corina impatiently, "that bird is absolutely deceased. When I bought him home not half an hour ago, you confirmed to me that his lack of movement was due to being tired and shagged out after a prolonged squawk."

"He, erm… he might be pining for the fjords," reasoned Bridget.

"_Pining_ for the _fjords?!_ What kind of rubbish is that?" snapped Corina, "Why did he fall on his side the instant I brought him home, huh?"

"The red cardinal prefers sleeping on his sides. Remarkable bird, isn't it? Lovely plumage and a-"

"Look here; I took the liberty of examining the bird, and I made the discovery that why he sat on his perch was that he was _nailed_ there!"

At that point, Bridget too was starting to get impatient.

"Well, yes, he _was_ nailed there," she snapped, "otherwise, if I hadn't, he could have nuzzled up to those bars, bent them in two with his beak, and _voom!_"

"VOOM?!" Corina bent over to pick up the bird again, "Madam, this bird wouldn't 'voom' or whatever you say he would've done, even if you put four million volts through it! It's bloomin' demised!"

"No, he's pining!"

"He's not pining, he's passed on!" cried Corina, now on the brunt of losing it completely, "This bird is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! This is a late bird! He's a stiff, bereft of life, he rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch he'd be pushed up the daises! Off the twig, kicked the bucket, shuffled off his mortal coil, snuffed it, run down the curtain and _joined the choir invisible! THIS IS AN EX-BIRD!_"

Corina took several breaths to clam down.

"Better replace it then," sighed Bridget, and looked behind the counter.

"If you want to get anything done your way," muttered Corina, "you've got to complain 'til you're blue in the mouth."

Bridget stood up again. "Sorry, madam," she said, "had a quick look, and we've run out of birds."

"I see," said Corina, nodding in understanding, "I get the picture."

"I've got a goldfish," smiled Bridget.

Corina raised an eyebrow. "Pray, does it talk?"

Bridget shrugged. "Not really, no."

"WELL, IT'S HARDLY A BLOOMING REPLACEMNT, IS IT?!"

"Look, clam down," assured Bridget, "if you go down to my friend's pet shop in Tokyo, she'll replace your bird for you."

"Tokyo, eh?"

"Yup."

"All right." Corina, still holding onto her bird, turned on her heel and exited out the door.

* * *

Corina soon entered a pet shop that looked exactly like the pet shop she was at earlier. To her surprise, she found the same birdcage on the floor. There was a girl that looked like Bridget, but her hair was purple and her glasses were in her breast pocket.

"Isn't this meant to be Tokyo?" asked Corina, a puzzled look on her face.

"No, it's Osaka," said the girl, who sounded suspiciously like Bridget.

"That's Japan Railways Group for you," muttered Corina, and she left the pet shop.

* * *

Corina found herself at a train station. She noticed Kikki Benjamin behind a desk marked "complaints".

"I wish to complain, Japan Railways Group woman," Corina began.

"I don't have to do this, you know!" snapped Kikki.

"Excuse me…?"

"I am a qualified monkey trainer," explained Kikki, "I only do this job since I like being my own manager!"

"Isn't this irrelevant?" asked Corina.

"Yeah, but not easy to pad these python files out to 150 lines, you know," said Kikki.

"Well, let me explain my complaint," said Corina, "I got on the Tokyo Express and somehow ended up in Osaka."

"No, this _is_ Toyko."

"So… the pet shop girl's sister had been lying!"

"Can't blame JR Group for that," smiled Kikki.

"In that case I'll return to the pet shop!"

* * *

Corina was back in the pet shop for the third time. "I understand now this _is_ Tokyo."

"Yes?" said the girl, putting her glasses back on and removing the purple wig.

"You said it was Osaka!" snapped Corina indignantly.

"Ah, it was a pun," said Bridget sheepishly.

"A pun?"

"No, not a pun. Er, what was that thing… starts with P, and spells same backwards as forwards? Words like toot, dad, gag…"

"A palindrome?"

"Yeah, that's it!"

"It's not a palindrome," argued Corina, "the palindrome of Tokyo would be Oykot! No such city, and probably no such thing either!"

"Well, what do you want?" asked Bridget.

"No, forget it," grumbled Corina, "this day is just getting sillier!"

"Well, here's your money back," said Bridget, handing out some yen and two holiday vouchers, "and two holiday vouchers for Europe."

"Right, I'll take them, then," said Corina, accepting them, leaving the dead bird on the counter, and left once more. "Can't say Akihito hasn't changed some things…"

Just as Corina left, Zoey Hanson came in with a black cat in her arms.

"Don't tell me," sighed Bridget, "your cat's dead."

"No, he just throws up every half hour," said Zoey, and a few seconds in, the cat puked on the floor, much to the girls' disgust.

"This'll be a long day," groaned Bridget.

* * *

**Sorry if it wasn't great; it's just to show I'm not dead yet. Hopefully you liked it, and if you did, great!**


End file.
